Living Proof of a Good God
The Life of Miranda Roy & How I Came to Faith
The Life of Miranda Roy & How I Came to Faith
(Trigger Warning: some content that is written can be triggering and difficult to read)
Take me at my word when I say, I really am living proof of what the love of God can do. My name is Miranda and I’m the face behind the Instagram and TikTok account, Thelifeofroys! I cultivated these platforms to help encourage and inspire women in their walk with Jesus while also sharing a lot about my life to help normalize that we’re all trying our best at navigating our day-to-day. I wanted to create a space on the internet where others who have gone through hardships like me, could feel like they had someone who they could relate to and feel seen.
For years I struggled to open up about my full testimony as it can be heavy, it's messy, and can be hard for some to hear. However, I would be doing a disservice to God if I didn’t give Him the glory He deserves by telling others how He saved me. To whoever may be reading this, I pray as you read the words I’ve written that you too can see how amazing Jesus Christ really is and I encourage you to know Him too. So without further ado, here’s my story:
To help paint the full picture of my life, the best place to start is the beginning. After a tragic miscarriage of what should have been one of my older brothers, my mom was informed by doctors that she could never have a child again. To my mom’s disbelief just a few years later, she would be expecting another little one. However, she didn’t get to discover this in the most traditional circumstances. Unfortunately, the relationship between my parents was unhealthy. They both struggled with alcohol and substance abuse and my mom knew the pathway she was walking down was not a safe one and opted to check into rehab. One of the requirements during intake was to screen for pregnancy and simply that's how my mom learned she was pregnant with me! She likes to call me her miracle because her pregnancy led her to sobriety. I guess you could say I was her rainbow after a storm. But unfortunately, the story with my dad goes a little differently.
The first few years of my life were a whirlwind. Not only was I a sick little kid with constant ear infections that kept me in and out of the hospital; but my parents' relationship began to spiral and abuse became prevalent. The household I lived in was no longer a home and my childhood was no longer safe. I was about 4 years old when my mom had the opportunity to leave and we fled to a domestic violence shelter. I don’t have much memory from this time in my life besides doing the dishes with my mom in the common area (every woman in the shelter would have “chores” to help out the living quarters) as well as riding the city bus. When living in a domestic violence shelter, you’re placed in a secured location to allow you (and your child) to be given the opportunity to get back on your feet before moving to what they call a halfway house. Around this time, my mom was officially sober, had landed an amazing job and we no longer had to ride the bus. At the time, it felt like life was getting better.
Until I was the age of 14, my dad would be in and out of my life. My parents tried to make the idea of us being a “family” work for a long time but my dad's alcoholism grew and so did our issues. My preteen into my teenage years was probably the hardest. My mom had two children from a previous marriage which blessed me with two older half-siblings whom I love deeply, but due to our large age gap, I struggled to relate to them. I became an auntie around the age of 8 and then again around 10 which caused me to mature quickly. While a majority of my friends were enjoying their childhood, I was on another level of maturity which made it even harder to make friends. Not only that, but the embarrassment of my circumstances of living in poverty and abuse made it nearly impossible to want to open up to others. So I slowly grew to be anxious all the time, lonely, and filled with immense anger.
I’m sure you’re wondering at this point, when does God come into the picture? Well, unfortunately, not for a while longer. The year or two before I entered high school, my nana developed cancer. My mom opened our home to help take care of her and one thing my nana was adamant about was that we would all attend Sunday Mass as she was brought up Catholic. Let’s just say, I didn’t have a great view of religion and I definitely knew of Jesus, but I didn’t know Jesus; nor did I want to. How could God be “good” and allow me to go through all of this? The idea of knowing Jesus repulsed me but the depressing circumstances of my life consumed me. I wasn’t ready to accept His love but He never stopped pursuing me.
Around this time period, my broken relationship with my father came to a crumbling end. To keep it short; my father was not safe and he didn’t want to be a dad. The week before my freshman year of high school I unknowingly showed up at the same bank as my father. My mom and I were trying so hard to cash a check he had mailed us so we could afford school supplies but the check wouldn’t go through. Without noticing it right away, my father was actually at the same bank just a few counters down and counting a large sum of money he was depositing. I knew he could hear us arguing with the bank teller that we needed the check to go through but we were forced to walk away empty-handed. My father didn’t intervene and made it clear that he wasn’t going to help. It became clear that his desire to be there for me had left. I no longer think about this day like I used to and it has taken me years to forgive him for it but I pray that one day he’ll come to the Lord too. I was 14 when I last saw him.
High school was an interesting 4 years. I excelled academically but internally was miserable. I had a small group of friends that I clung to and a long-term relationship that was far from healthy. Since I didn’t have the best example of what a good man was, I guess you could say I had poor judgment and I tolerated toxicity because it was all I had known. From the outside, I looked like the average girl who had her life together but I really was a mess. I began to struggle with eating disorders, body dysmorphia, gossip, and jealousy. Deep-seated abandonment issues made me feel like I needed to stay with a boy who didn’t care about me while in turn, it was becoming hard to be around, myself. High school is hard for anyone but around this time, it felt nearly impossible to endure. To continue to add to it, I had learned I had an additional sister from my dad I never knew about, my mom and I’s relationship began to change and it felt like anything that could go wrong did. As soon as I had the opportunity to apply to college, I wanted out of my small town and I opted to apply to the farthest college that would accept me.
So at the age of 17, I packed up the broken life I had and moved out to Tucson, Arizona. Probably the most random place on the map to pick but my heart craved the idea of moving away from all I had known and aiming to “rebuild” a life I had imagined. Still, in that toxic relationship, we both took a shot at being adults in a place we knew nothing about. I had gotten accepted into the University of Arizona with a scholarship for Pre-Veterinary Medicine with the desire to become a Veterinarian. I knew nothing about college, I probably had $1,000 in my banking account at the time and was walking about a mile a day to go to work but I thought I was on top of the world, not realizing I was on a fast track to my downfall.
God could be seen everywhere in this time of my life but I still chose to live with blinders on my eyes. He gave me every sign and opportunity to turn to Him but I was stubborn and lived in my sin. I never dabbled in drugs or alcohol but I still struggled with my own demons. I was rebellious. My anger fueled me. I was eager to seek revenge and pettiness might have well been my second name. But God’s love persisted. While living in Arizona, I met my best friend, Paola who happened to be a Christian. I noticed the joy that was in her life, even in her hardest times. She never ceased to show me the love of Christ and what it means to “love thy neighbor” but I still wasn’t ready to surrender. My life was on the downfall, yet she planted the seed. That toxic relationship I found myself in, advanced to my boyfriend repeatedly cheating and lying about it. I had dropped out of college. The car my mom had helped me buy needed costly repairs. I was deeply depressed, crippled with anxiety, and the person I had known myself to be no longer existed. I refused to address my reality; to others, I looked fine but deep inside I was okay if I had stopped existing. But… God had another plan.
I don’t remember the night perfectly but I’ll never forget sitting in my car, I had just spent so much money to fix it; heartbroken and facing my reality. I was at an all-time low and for the first time ever, I decided to pray. Honestly, I had no clue what I was doing, how to approach God with humility, or even what to say. One part of my mind was still furious at the idea that “If God is so good and loves me, why would He allow all of this?” but my heart screamed to cry out a prayer. So I simply said out loud, “God, if you are real, I need you to show me”. Nothing happened; there was no audible voice back or a radical encounter but it was all that needed to be said for God to swoop in and take control. Days later, my car was stolen.
I know you’re probably wondering why that would be a positive thing but it was the final moment for me to hit rock bottom and see my life for the mess it was. Immediately I called my mom, with full humility and tears, begging her to let me move back home. Within the next two weeks, I sold all I had and boarded a flight back to Connecticut. The breaking of my life continued. That toxic relationship came to a tragic but necessary end. I had no money to my name, was a college dropout, and lived in my mother’s living room. Talk about feeling like a loser at the fresh age of 19, at this time. I felt like my life was over while I watched my friends post online the joy they were having in their lives but I still wasn’t ready to surrender to the Lord. In the midst of my falling apart, I can now see why it was necessary. Christ was ripping away my false foundation so I would trade it for His.
Fast forward a few months, I began to get myself back on track. I landed a job as a Pharmacy Technician for CVS while enrolling back into a community college near me. I got heavily involved in fitness and made so many more positive life choices but I still was crippled by sin. Since my long-term relationship had ended, I was desperate for love and looked in all the wrong places. I was accepting the bare minimum from men who didn’t actually want to date me and was left even more brokenhearted. I was just about to give up on love, but then there was Caleb.
We went to the same high school and met in junior year math class. We were nothing more than friends who had a similar friend group. I sat behind him in our senior year Pre-Calculus class where we would have the occasional conversation about our plans post-high school. He wanted to join the Marine Corps and I wanted to go off to college. We parted ways after high school but remained friends online until one day, we decided to reconnect. He was on his first deployment in the Marine Corps but opted to still ask me out on a coffee date. I waited 6 months for that date but in the meantime, we talked to each other at every opportunity we could, and love developed quickly. Shortly after his deployment ended, we began to date and little did I know, this would be the person to help lead me to Jesus.
Caleb grew up in a Christian household and gave his life to Christ at a young age. After his parents had split, just like anyone else, he endured the hardships of divorce while trying to maintain a strong relationship with Jesus. I’d love to write that we did everything right in the early stages of our relationship but unfortunately, we’re just humans who fall short of God’s glory daily. We would have periodic conversations about Christ and occasionally read the Bible together as my interest peaked. Our relationship felt like a high until one day, Caleb opted to break up with me out of the blue. My life up until this point felt magical. I had just turned 20, I was working a good job, and back in school. My life was back on track but God knew I needed one final push towards Him. What better way to grab my attention than through a boy I was growing to love? Ironically, one of the last things Caleb said to me during our breakup was “If you want to really know God, I encourage you to start with His Word”. Next thing I knew, I was buying my first-ever Bible and opted to go to church for the first time ever.
Obviously, I wasn’t doing all of this with the best intentions to give my life to Christ. I legit started to do this with the hopes of getting a boy back (a little desperate, I know) but God had better plans. He can use our false motives to redirect us to HIs bigger plan! The next thing I knew, one church service turned into two, then it became a month of regular attending. Over 6 months, God worked not only in my life but Caleb’s to prepare us for true surrender to Him. Caleb endured his own sanctification period and in the summer of 2018, I was finally ready to surrender it all.
There wasn’t a crazy radical encounter or a specific moment that was truly life-changing but over a series of times, I began to see that I needed to come to the end of my rope to allow Jesus to come in. I repented of my ways, accepted Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior, and allowed Him to be the firm foundation I desperately needed. Upon my decision, I discovered my church was holding another water baptism the day before my birthday and knew God had His plan all along. So the day before my 21st birthday, I opted to step into that water as a broken person and come out as a new creation. Reborn into a Kingdom and saved by the blood of Christ. Probably the best birthday gift I could have ever gifted myself!
Now this is my testimony to how I came to Christ. As you can see, it's long and lengthy but my walk with Christ didn’t stop there. I could write on and on about the process of sanctification, the continuing love story the Lord wrote for Caleb and me, as well as the trials that continue even AFTER you give your life to Jesus; but I will leave you with this:
After 6 faithful years of getting to walk with the Lord, I can confidently say that He is faithful and He is good. We live in a world full of sin and I don’t think we’ll ever fully grasp the idea as to why bad things happen, but I can confidently say that the Lord never allows the pain you have gone through to go to waste. Whatever you find yourself facing, know you don’t have to endure it alone and that you have a Savior who can empathize with you in every single heartbreak or struggle you find yourself walking through. Please know that you are never too far gone to receive God’s grace and that Jesus Christ died and rose again for not just my sins, but yours too. You don’t have to walk this life feeling hopeless and lost. Know that there really is light at the end of the tunnel and that light is Jesus.
Fast forward to today, I have been faithfully walking with the Lord. I celebrated my 5th wedding anniversary with Caleb as well as walking in the calling God has given me. I graduated college in 2020 with a degree in veterinary technology and got to work as a veterinary technician for 5 years before pursuing what feels like my real calling. I’ve lived in various states and had amazing opportunities and experiences along the way. I’ve made new friends; some I haven't even met yet, all while getting to serve Christ.
If my story has impacted you, know that you can always follow my story on my social media platforms where I tend to share more about all the different areas of my life while trying to help others with theirs. If you’ve made it to the end of this, I pray it has blessed you and that you too can see, you’re living proof of a Good God.
"But he knoweth the way that I take: when he hath tried me, I shall come forth as gold."
Job 23:10
